On being ... cringe-inducing

By Ingrid Sapona 

I’ve written before about being a news junky. And with so much turmoil in the world right now, I sometimes find it hard to control my fear and anxiety. Tuning out has never worked for me because I think if everyone simply tuned out, things would be even worse. (I have to believe that most people behave at least a bit better if they think others are paying attention.) 

So, I’ve been thinking about ways of managing my anxiety about different news stories. One way is to remind myself that it’s ok to see things as gray and that I don’t have to come out one way or another on every issue or story. There’s a lot of talk about the fact that we live in a polarized time. Well – that’s because so many people seem to feel they have to stand on one side or the other. There are a few things I do end up coming down firmly on one side of, but it seldom is an automatic process. I try to sorting through the facts, and then identify my beliefs, my concerns, and my emotions. 

I also try to separate out different aspects of a story and try to identify exactly how different parts of it make me feel. In other words, I try to separate out the different shades of gray. That’s how I discovered the cringe factor. I categorize cringe-inducing things as stuff that produces an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Mind you, it’s a complex feeling – often a mix of dread, frustration, and sadness. 

Take the Biden-Trump debate as an example. Like many, I found Biden’s performance worrisome. The press and punditry’s unrelenting focus on calls for Biden to pull out from the race has been distressing to me. In contrast, the complete glossing over of Trump’s lies during the debate and the moderators’ automaton-like unwillingness to deviate from their prepared list of questions ‒ rather than bother to formulate thoughtful, on-point follow-up questions ‒ left me angry. 

But Biden’s reassuring Democratic governors that he figured out the error of his ways in terms of the debate prep and that he’s come up with ways of avoid such a fiasco in the future simply made cringe. He told them he’ll get more sleep and that he’s told his staff to avoid scheduling events after 8 p.m. Oh Joe… did you have to tell anyone that? Couldn’t you just have kept that between you and your staff? Surely folks at the White House must realize the risk that some will see the need for such accommodations as further proof that Biden’s too old for office. Oh…cringe. 

The recent revelations by Alice Munro’s daughter about her sexual abuse by her step-father were disturbing. The fact that Munro knew about it and remained silent about it and stayed with the man who abused her daughter was shocking. While I’ve not heard anyone doubt the truth of the daughter’s story, some people question her motives for going public. Some think what’s in the past is past and they feel she shouldn’t have revealed the story to the public at all. Others question the timing of the news – coming so shortly after Munro’s death. They wonder whether she raised it now just to sully the Nobel laureate’s reputation. 

I’ve never read Munro so the news didn’t feel particularly personal to me. But, when I read the daughter’s account, I couldn’t help but cringe, thinking about how difficult this news will be for so many. Of course, I felt for the daughter for having been abused and for her having to live with the fact that her mother prioritized her marriage over her. I also admire the bravery of Munro’s daughter and I hope the news helps other victims realize they are not alone. But I also feel for Munro fans, as I’m sure they’re left questioning the way they interpreted and related to Munro’s stories. 

For me, recognizing a cringe reaction is useful because it’s a reminder to myself that some things can be interpreted in different ways by different people. In other words, it’s a reminder that many things are double edge swords – capable of cutting two different ways. And that reminds me that just because something may be uncomfortable doesn’t mean there’s one right way of interpreting it. And realizing that helps me remain calmer and more comfortable staying in the gray zone, rather than rushing to judgment. 

© 2024 Ingrid Sapona