3/30/2019
By Ingrid Sapona
Some friends from out-of-town recently visited. In advance
of their trip, we exchanged emails about going out for dinner. They asked me to
pick a restaurant. I suggested a couple places I thought they might be
interested in trying. Turns out they had been to them and didn’t seem that
interested in going back to either.
I honestly didn’t care one way or the other, so I said
whatever they had in mind would be fine. They insisted that wasn’t the point –
they wanted to take me out to dinner wherever I wanted. I said that was a gracious offer, but I still wanted
their input because choosing a place can be hard. They then said, “Let’s just
go to your favourite restaurant!” Sweet idea, I know – but, as I told them, I
don’t have a favourite restaurant. I don’t think they believed me.
The truth is, I always feel uncomfortable when asked about
my favourites because I don’t have a favourite anything. I know it sounds odd,
but it’s true. That’s not to say I don’t like – or even love – things. There
are plenty of things I have no problem saying I really like. But, I’ve never
been able to choose favourites. What I don’t know is whether that makes me odd.
Does everyone have a favourite this or that?
Here’s one that comes up a lot, for example: favourite
movie. I don’t have one. I think my family would say that my favourite movie is
White Christmas – and I do love that it. But, I also love It’s a Wonderful
Life. I could never choose one over the other, which I’d have to do to declare
one of them my favourite. Another one that comes up fairly often in casual
conversation is favourite food. Nuts and cheese certainly are at the top of my
list, but I can’t honestly say I favour one over the other.
So, when the subject of favourites comes up, rather than go
into a long song and dance about not having favourites, my normal response is
to re-frame the question. For example, I often provide a short list – say three
to five “favourites”. Or I may re-frame it as things I’d really miss – or
wouldn’t want to live without (cheese and nuts are prime examples of that).
Another re-frame I’ve used is places or things I’d recommend without
hesitation. That one’s helpful for things like recipes I like, or places I’ve
visited.
While I’ve never run across anyone who’s objected to my
reframed answers, I’m always aware that those responses – while true – are
really my way of skirting the issue of not being able to choose a favourite.
What does that say about me? I don’t know…
I’ve considered it from a number of different angles: Does
it reflect some deep-seated fear of commitment? (After all, the idea of
choosing one to the exclusion of others is really what commitment’s all about.)
Does it mean that I’m so repressed that I don’t enjoy things as much as others?
Am I afraid to choose a favourite because I’d be heartbroken if I were never
able to see, eat, partake, or experience the thrill of that favourite whatever
again?
Is it this complicated for everyone? I’m guessing not, given
how easily some people talk about their favourite (fill in the blank). What
about you? Can you easily reel off your favourites? If so, what’s your secret?
About that dinner with my friends from out-of-town… On the
day they were coming up, I still hadn’t made a decision. So, when I ran into someone
from my condo, I blurted out, “Do you have a favourite restaurant in this
neighborhood?” (I know absolutely nothing about how culinarily discerning he
might be, but what the hell.) He cocked his head and thought for a minute and
said, “Yeah – there are a couple places we like”. He named two places, and I
chose one. It ended up being terrific – very good food and reasonable (for
Toronto). Indeed, given that it’s a place I’d definitely go back to and a place
I’d recommend without hesitation, it’s about as close as I come to a favourite.
© 2019 Ingrid Sapona
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